Make the Oscars Relevant Again

This year the Oscars won't be taking place until the end of February.  Over the years they have been pushed further and further back in the calender.  But what that's doing is making the Academy Awards useless and out of touch. 

Think about it, most of the Oscar contenders release their movies in December and nationwide late December - early January.  That's when people go see these films.  Wouldn't an audience like to know the nominees on January 1st so they can go out and see these films?

Instead the public is exposed to the obnoxious Golden Globe Awards in the middle of January, which at times gets things right but more often than not is a laughing stock.  It's not until after that when we get the nominees of the Oscars and are forced to wait a month before the award is given out.  This usually results in a month of political warfare from the studios pushing voters to vote for certain films.  It's a nasty process that isn't designed to honor these truly remarkable films.

Also, between the Golden Globes and Oscars we have a half dozen awards shows in the U.S. alone, where we see the same nominees win time after time by their respective unions.  By the time the winner takes the stage at the Oscars we're bored to tears and in recent years it's obvious the winners are struggling to find words not because they're speechless, but because they've done this speech 10 times before.  Part of the reason people watch the Oscars is to see the rawness and unplanned moments that happen when these actors take the stage.  Have we gotten moments like this in recent years?  People can say the biggest upset in recent years has been Slumdog Millionaire taking over the Oscars despite it's non-traditional content and independent spirit.  But by the middle of January I was so tired of hearing the hype behind this film.  Everyone I knew saw them winning Best Picture a mile away.  Even HUGE upsets like that are tainted because the Oscars are such a long wait after January 1st.

By the end of February the heavy movie-goers are usually past thinking about the nominated movies.  We're ready for the spring lineup, different festivals, and gearing up for the summer flicks that are a couple of months away.  Did we really care all that much when The Hurt Locker upset Avatar?  Maybe.  But considering the movie came out almost a year before it was announced best picture, it seemed like old news.

I've grown up as a huge fan of the Academy Awards.  Every year I schedule the screening in my calendar and watch every minute of the 4 hour show + red carpet crap.  I'm an invested viewer that simply wants the award show experience to be its best.

I suggest that the Academy Awards move their air date to the middle of January.  The nominees will be announced January 1st.  This way the public has motivation to go see these films that just came out and also give them a chance to see these films after the awards are presented.  Wouldn't you love a chance to see the Best Picture winner in the theatre?  That could never happen when you usually don't find out until the end of February.

Bathroom Door Handles

There is nothing worse than using a public bathroom, washing my hands, and then having to grab a door handle to open a door. Sure, I may have clean hands, but the second I touch that handle my Monk alarm goes off. We've all seen that one guy walk past the sink refusing to soap up all while blowing snot rockets into his hands.

The best case scenario for public bathrooms are typically at large attraction venues such as stadiums, airports, or Disney World.  Their bathrooms don't even have doors!  You have to walk around a rounded corner to enter the room.  No contact. No disgusting door handles.

I understand that these kinds of bathrooms can't be in places like gas stations and restaurants.  But I have one suggestion for places like this.  Handle-less doors.  You know, doors that swing.  This works  especially for bathrooms that don't need to lock.  You get past the hand contact by simply using your foot to swing the door open.  BOOM! Solved.  No more using paper towels to open the door handle.

Of course there's so many other places in public bathrooms that can be solved.  But this is by far my biggest gripe, that could easily be solved.

Do you agree? Can you think of a better way to solve this issue? Or am I the only one with this issue?

U Turn Signal Revolución

Every car in America should have the U-turn blinker, just like we have a right and left turn blinker.

Think about it, How many times are we behind a car that we think is turning left but is actually doing a U-turn.  We are forced to slam on our brakes as they slow down in order to make the U-turn.  And how about oncoming traffic?  Wouldn't we like to know whether a car is turning left or just doing a "You-ee"?

This is probably not a new idea.  In fact you can read all about the patent holder right here!

I'm begging car manufacturers to install this on all vehicles.  That or make it mandatory for drivers to do hand signals indicating a U-turn.  I'm thinking something along the lines of a giant foam finger in the shape of a U.  Perfect!

Shopping Carts

Ok, so I know we all use shopping carts or Buggies as they call them here in the South (that's reason enough for a whole other post).  And we've all seen or maybe even participated in the greatest tragedy of supermarket parking lots...stranded carts.  Thrown aside like they were never loved, nor deserve another home.  People use them and abuse them like an unloved child.  They sit for days just wishing someone would pick them.  Sure it may have a squeaky wheel but that doesn't mean it won't work hard to carry your heavy groceries!

It really grinds my gears when I see people blatantly leave shopping carts by their car, not allowing other people to park there, or on sidewalks.  Is it really that hard to walk 20 feet and put the carts away where they belong?

People may say, "but they have employees where that's their job to get those."  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Sure the cart guys/gals end up picking up customers "trash" because otherwise the parking lot would be filthy with lonely stranded carts, but this isn't their job.  They are to retreive the carts from the lot Return area and return those to the store.  Trust me when I say this is a tiring and thankless job.  The last thing these hard workers need is mindless people who are too lazy to return a simple cart.  When we eat at restaurants we don't throw our trash on the ground because we know someone will pick it up do we?  No, we throw it away in the trash where it belongs.

Will you stand up with me to always return carts?

The Buckle Challenge

Growing up in Nebraska, I find that Nebraskans take a lot of pride in things that are distinctly Nebraska.  But there's one thing that has become the ugly step child of Nebraska...The Buckle.

The national clothing chain started up in Kearney, NE and the headquarters still reside there.  Unfortunately a large number of teenagers in NE wear Buckle clothes religiously.  But that's besides the point.

You may or may not have heard of The Buckle Challenge.  It's a game that I was introduced to in my teen years.  Since The Buckle has an incredible customer service standard, the goal of the game is to walk through the store, touch the back wall, and walk out without any clothing salesman talking to you.

I've played this several times over the years and have beat the challenge, but believe me, it's no easy task.  In fact, it's near impossible.

The point of this blog is to talk about the overbearing and ridiculously invasive customer service the Buckle has installed.  I was in The Buckle not to long ago to take advantage of a gift card I had, to buy some new pants.  Upon walking in the store I had two employees approach me and asked me several times what I was looking for.  I said nothing and they left me alone...or so I thought.  Within two minutes a guy sneak attacked me from behind and whispered to me "Yo man, whatcha lookin to buy today?"  I wasn't down with this bro all up in my business so after 5 minutes of failing to explain that I was just browsing, I said jeans and walked away towards Emily.

Emily and I found a pair of pants for me to try on and I was headed to the changing room where the bro intersected me and gave me 5 pairs of "Mikey Bo" pants.  I kindly took them and pretended to be interested.

After trying on a pair of pants and stepping outside to show Emily the door creaked so LOUD that the bro raced around the corner to check out my new duds.  He was shocked I wasn't wearing one of his pairs.  After about the third pair of pants, and him racing around the corner, I had had enough.

I looked at Emily and our eyes both said to get the heck out of this place.  I did end up getting the pants but I will take every opportunity to avoid The Buckle at any cost.  No matter where in the country, every Buckle I've been to has been this annoying.

I don't mind having good customer service.  I've been on the opposite end of bad customer service.  But if you take a good thing too far it turns dangerous and creepy.  The Buckle needs to learn that an aggressive Mikey Bo is not a good Mikey Bo.

Popcorn Chicken

Can someone please tell me the logic behind this commercial?

They make fun of other restaurants for having chicken nuggets because there's no part of a chicken called a nugget.  But then they follow that up with saying they have popcorn chicken instead.  Riiiiiiight.  Because chickens obviously have popcorn.

Score 1 for KFC geniuses.

Can't you see the warning signs?!

So I'm riding in the car with my co-workers on our way to our new office and I see a nearby sidewalk with several caution barriers.  I think to myself, "Well maybe they're doing heavy construction for a new sidewalk." or, "Maybe they're putting up one of those stupid handrails."

But no.

There is one square of sidewalk that is being worked on.  I guess that requires at LEAST 7 barriers surrounding every inch of the square of sidewalk.  That may even seem ridiculous for a piece of sidewalk in NYC, but I doubt more than 1 person would use this sidewalk in a given month.  It's that out of the way.

I love Tallahassee more and more every day.

You're all up in my space yo!

My wife and I have lived in Tallahassee for almost two years now.  It's been fine for the most part.  Sure it's not a city we would choose to live in, but hey, it's an OK city.  EXCEPT, the way people drive.

Both of us have done a great deal of traveling through our years and we both agree that drivers in Tallahassee are some of the worst.  No, there's not really much traffic.  No, there isn't many crazy fast drivers.  People seem to forget how to use their turn signal.  The majority of time people turn, they don't use their blinker.  It blows my mind.

The lack of turn signal is irritating, but there is something far worse in my mind.

While I'm driving I usually am in a lane with a car right next to me.  Whenever a car turns (usually a left turn) they feel the need to make a wide turn resulting in them getting into the next lane before making the turn.  This freaks me out every time someone does it, especially on one way streets where the lanes are smaller.  There's no need to make a wide turn!  So why scare the hell out of other drivers by getting in their lane so that you can make an easy turn?

Here's a diagram of what I'm talking about. (Excuse the crappiness of these illustrations)

I'm in the yellow car, while a hummer is next to me.

Everything is hunky dorey.

 The hummer begins to turn, avoiding my lane all together.

And Voila! Everything is fine.

But here is what happens in Tallahassee.  We start out normal.

But when the other car starts to turn he inches closer into my lane. 

 I swerve to avoid him.

And there you have it.  Unnecessary reckless driving.

What I've learned from living here is that I can't trust other drivers as much as I used to.  Thanks Tallahassee.

Useless Handrails

All across the city of Tallahassee, FL there are new sidewalks being built.  Most of this construction is being done on a major parkway near my home.  Which is great!  But along with the new sidewalks come handrails.  Maybe it's just me but I usually see handrails for stairs, corners, businesses, or in parks.  But this is my first time seeing them by normal sidewalks.  Not only do they not have any noticeable use (next to high fall offs, handicap access, bus stops etc.)  but they are small in size (about 5 feet) and randomly placed along the sidewalk.  Who thinks of these things?

After driving several miles and trying to figure out the need for these random handrails I noticed how they are placed wherever there is a drain that goes to the sewer.  I guess that means a lot of people might take note of them and decide todays the day they finally can take an afternoon dip in the gutter.  Without the balance of handrails it was merely a dream before.

Let's stop building these handrails and start putting money into sidewalks in neighborhoods that don't even have them (like mine.)

Half Booths

You all know what I'm talking about.

Those random half booths/half chairs tables at restaurants.  I understand the point of them is to take advantage of every possible space to fit customers but really, does anyone really enjoy sitting at these seats?  Every time I follow a waiter to our seat I look around to see if those half booths are in his trajectory.

Maybe it's just me but anytime I was forced to sit in one of these seats I would immediately gun for the booth side (unless I am with my wife, or several women).  Why?  Because it's the better side.  No uncomfortable chair, padded back, and no one walking behind our seat.  The half booth seats aren't even "separate but equal".  It's clearly a "Seat-ist" seat drawing a line between comfortable customers and uncomfortable customers.

I challenge restaurants to rid themselves of the half booths and create equality in each of their tables.  I guarantee TRIPLE THE BUSINESS!

Lazy DVD design

So what's worse than spending lots of money on DVD's or BD's?  Getting a disc with that crappy gray disc art.  I can understand getting those discs in a Redbox or Netflix, but when you spend $30 on a movie you expect to get top quality material.  

Small independent films that don't have good distribution have a good reason not to spend money on a disc art knowing the customer already bought the DVD, but movies like Star Trek have no reason.

Too many signs for the yard

Does this church really need this many signs in the front?  It's not political season yet.

Taj Mahal Tallahassee

In Tallahassee, the middle of nowhere there is a giant, ridiculous looking building that my wife and I deemed the Taj Mahal.  There's no other buildings around it and we never see any cars parked in front so we assume it's a memorial of some sort.

Surprise! I'm watching the news and this story comes on the news ALSO calling it the Taj Mahal.  The public is outraged it cost 70 million dollars.  And so am I.  I say we turn it from a courthouse into a tourist attraction and make the money back.

Chick-fil-A Dine In

I've brought this up with Emily once but for some reason my family has given me a hard time about this.

My mind just can't wrap itself around how Chick-fil-a manages their dine-in ordering system.  Their main problem is that they don't have any way to differentiate the ordering from the receiving lines.  There are usually a couple of registers open and people standing in a general group in front of them.  I usually have to ask a few people whether or not they are in line or waiting for their food.  Once I find a somewhat normal line I order and everything is fine.  No number is given to me so I'm forced to wait.  I can't wait by the register because there's no room since there's someone behind me, so I have to stand a few feet back with the rest of the group trying to figure out who's in line and who's already ordered.  After being asked if I'm in line a few times by people just entering the restaurant I hear "Chicken nugget meal, 8 count."  I walk up towards the food, but someone else steps in and grabs the bag.  I ask the cashier if that was mine but she lets me know that mine is about to come up.

This is the point when I start to feel like I'm in a Mr. Bean episode.  I then take the walk of shame back to the group waiting for food/ordering when another bag comes up.  This time it's mine, or so I think it's mine but I can't ask the cashier because she's too worried getting a refill for a guy who was apparently standing in the mystery refill line.  After he gets his half diet lemonade, half ice tea I finally get my bag of food.

I can't think of any other fast food restaurant that has this problem.  Wendy's has barriers so you know where the ordering line is.  Although Wendy's also has the mystery refill line.  McDonald's and almost every other fast food chain gives you a number so you know exactly what your order is without having to stand with a mass of people.

I love Chick-fil-a and I think they have the best drive-thru service hands down, I just wish they would take into consideration altering these things.

Zephyrhills

Why on Earth would you name your water company Zephyrhills.

We were watching TV tonight when a Zephyrhills commercial came on and this thought popped in my head.  It doesn't sound refreshing and it's awkward to say.  That's two strikes against it that makes me look past it and pick up my Aquafina.

Sorry Zephyrhills.

Blog Start

So I never noticed until my wife pointed it out that I have a tendency to find the most random of things or topics and always provide ways it could be better. Whether it's traffic, restaurants, products, I always give my opinion even if it's ridiculous.

I don't want this blog to be a bunch of complaining, but it's rather for the comedic enjoyment of tracking these little things in life, if changed, could make the world a better place.